Friday, April 15, 2011

M is for Menopause Madness

Second title: It's all about ME
Third title: Have fan will travel


ME: (furiously fanning myself) Is it hot in here or is it just me?


Them: It's you!


ME: Really? Are you sure, because it feels really hot in here. See, I'm sweating! Could we please turn down the heat?  (Walking over to check the thermostat.) It's 68 degrees in here--no wonder I'm burning up! This needs to be set at 62. Do you mind if I turn it down a little?


Them: YES WE MIND!! Step away from the thermostat.


ME: But....


Them: Do not touch the thermostat!


ME: But......brrrrr, I'm cold. We need to turn up the heat. It's freezing in here. Has anyone seen my sweater?????


Half of the population is going to have to go through this. The other half is going to have to live with someone who has entered the wonderful world of  menopause.


There is nothing quite like having your own personal summer. I only which I could share the heat, but I have to keep it all to myself. (Speaking of which, whew! First I write about it, then here it comes!  Fan, fan, fan!)




Hubby tends to get a little cranky when my summer arrives and we're in the car. If the heat is on, I start turning all the knobs to make it stop. It usually doesn't happen fast enough, so I have to open the window, just a tiny crack. Ahhh, the cold air feels so good and refreshing. I can't help that it's three degrees outside. 


Of course, if I get a double summer (my summer plus regular summer), and the a/c is already on, I have to open all the vents, crank that knobby to full blast on the lowest temperature, and enjoy the nice arctic breeze.


Hubby just can't understand why I can't "calm down" and wait for IT to pass. You try being calm when your body goes from 98.6 degrees to 8000 degrees in three seconds flat! 


But, of course, it does pass, and I find myself looking for a sweater to give me warmth. Then I have to reverse all the knobs and close all the vents.


I can hardly watch TV anymore without feeling like I'm doing strip tease.  I get all comfy on the couch, wrapped up in my favorite blanket. Just as I start to relax and get into the movie, I'll get that familiar feeling of "summer". Whew!!
I fling off the blanket. Warmer. Warmer. I pull off my socks. Warmer. Off comes the sweater. Hot. If I'm wearing two shirts (you're supposed to dress in layers, you know), one comes off. Hotter. Then I pull my pant legs up to my knees, grab a fan, and furiously fan myself for about five minutes. 


Then, I start to feel a little chilly. Brrr. So, I reverse the entire process. By the time I finish getting all bundled up, guess what! I start feeling a little warm. Yes, it's never ending, and the good news is, it lasts for several years! Gotta love this time of life!


One time I put as my FB status, "Is it hot in here, or is it me?" All my hot friends responded with things like "Yes, it is hot, but it helps save on the heating bill in winter!"  (So true.) One young woman responded, "You guys are scaring me!" 


Yes. You should be afraid--very afraid!!  MuuaAAHAHA!




6 comments:

  1. This was such an accurate depiction of my internal thermostat a couple of years ago! It will pass, I promise and then you'll feel marvellous!

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  2. Hi Darlene! Thanks for stopping by Mist of the Blossom Rain. What a beautiful blog you have!

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  3. Hilarious! Can't believe I forgot about Menopause for M. Must mean it's mostly passed. HOORAY!!!!

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  4. Boy I remember those days with the Mrs. Do you know how hard it was to be sympathetic all the time you are trying not to laugh while she covers up uncovers cover us uncover. It almost killed me too. Gosh she got it hot in here. Sometimes I could freeze elk in here.
    Gregg Metcalf
    Colossians 1:28-29

    Gospel-driven Disciples

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  5. It's so unfair that men don't have to experience some of this stuff just so that they know what we have to deal with!

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  6. I know the feeling!! Socks were just on but had to take them off!

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