Living in "The Attic"

In the Land of Fantasies and Unrealistically Beautiful People, there was a television show called "The Doll House."

Amazing Daughter started watching Season One on Netflix, recently. When she invited me to join her, I thought the plot was too ridiculous to waste my time on. I had more important things to do--like checking my email and deleting the junk, and honing my skills on winning Spider Solitare. I passed on the invite.

But, as she watched, I found myself wandering in and  out of the living room, watching bits and pieces of the show. Then, I found myself sitting in the chair, just to see "what happens next." By the time she was nearly through the season, I was right there with her at the onset of each remaining episode. When she finished the season, I had to go back to the first show to see what I had missed. It turned out to be a pretty good show. Unfortunatelly, it was cancelled after two seasons.

What does this have to do with my title of "Living in The Attic", you ask? If you have seen the show, y ou may know where this is heading. If you haven't seen the show, here's a quick explanation.

The Doll House is run by diabolicle people who control the minds and lives of the volunteers. The volunteers are people who have given up two years of their lives to become a "doll". They sit in a special chair and their minds are wiped clean of their memories and personalities, and then replaced wth the memory of a "super spy", for example, so they have the skills necessary to complete a job for the very rich client, who somehow finds the Doll House, and is willing to pay. (See how crazy this sounds??) When the job has been successfully finished, the Doll returns to the Doll House and sits in the special chair, and the memory of that particular personality is wiped clean. The Doll wakes up, and says, very innocently, "Did I fall asleep?" "Only for a little while." (Oh, Topher! He's so cute.) And, away walks the emotionless, zombie doll, back to their cubicle, until they are needed for another job.

Ocassionally, something goes wrong, and a Doll rebels. (They are able to keep some of their memories, which will obviously cause problems for the Doll House!) When rebellion happens, there is only one place for that Doll to go...The ATTIC!

And, once they are in The Attic, there is no getting out! The Attic is a place where every memory is almost within reach, but never quite attainable. A place where a word is so close to being said, but just can't be brought forth. A place where the mind is tortured.

Oh. My. Gosh. I LIVE IN THE ATTIC!!!!!!!

The only thing that brings me comfort is when I see someone else who is apparently also living in The Attic.

What is THAT word??? (Accompained by a pounding of the head!)

"I'm sorry. I've forgotten your name." (Yes, I know that I've known you for years, but your name has just left my head!)

SIGH.

If you are also living in The Attic, would you like to join me for a cup of coffee sometime?

Hold on. I just thought of a wittier ending...wait. Wait.... now, how was that???? What's the word??? Sorry, it just left me! ARRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!

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There is something seriously wrong with my brain!

I have issues. And, in case you haven't guessed from the name of my blog, a lot of my issues have to do with my brain--namely in the remembering department. There used to be a commercial on TV (maybe it still is, but, we don't get cable anymore, so I can't be sure.) I can't even tell you what the commercial was for, but this is what I remember. The commercial shows the inside of this person's brain. Everything is in little bubbles all floating around. There is a man walking through the brain paging "insurance", or something, trying to bring it up to the front of the brain. That's when I realized why I have such a problem remembering. My brain guy is not doing his job! Everything is just floating aimlessly around. No one is in there bringing my thoughts front and center. I'm going to have get that guy to do a better job!

The other night, Hubby and Awesome Daughter and I had just finished a very nice supper. For me, a meal isn't over until I've had a little bit of sweetness. I can survive without it, but, it makes me a little happier to taste the sweeter things of life. I made one little mention to Hubby.
"Sweetie, you should have bought a little bit of chocolate while you were out today. That would taste pret-ty good right now."
Hubby seemed a little incensed, rolled his eyes, and said, "I just bought you chocolate. Did you eat it all up, already?"
"What are you talking about? We don't have any chocolate." (I already ate the last of the chocolate chips. But, he didn't know about that.)
He walked over to the fridge, still rolling his eyes, then pulled out the box of Andes Mints. Oh, boy. How could I forget there was chocolate in the house? And especially mint?? Yep, there it was, right in the top compartment of the fridge! Something's not right in my brain if I'm forgetting about chocolate!

But, if that wasn't bad enough. Awesome Daughter proceeded to tell how I tried to bribe her into doing a job by giving her her own candy bar. (In my defense, I thought it was MY candy bar!)
"Yeah," she said, "Mom found that candy bar that I hid in the freezer and thought it was hers. Then she tried to bribe me with it, but she already had eaten half of it."
"Hey, at least I was willing to share what was left with you", I said in my defense.
"You and your Alzheimer's," they both say!

I do sometimes wonder about "my Alzheimer's", whether it is because I just have sooooooo much information stored into my brain, and my "brain guy" just isn't able to do his job, if it is because my hormones just aren't cooperating, or if I need to be concerned. I happened to find a magazine article about bad memories, and if I could just remember what it said....

I do have a check list on when to call the doctor:

• you have trouble with daily functioning  because your brain is foggy------ummmm, how foggy?
• you start to struggle with simple familiar tasks (preparing meals, using a toothbrush)  so far, so good
• you consistently forget common words-----is that like a "brain fart"? What common words? 
• you become disoriented or lost in your home or on your own street ---nope
• you experience erratic behavior, mood swings or personality changes---other than what menopause brings?

I think it is safe to say that I don't need a doctor yet. I just need that dang "brain guy" to get all my bubbles organized and get them where I can use them!

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