Thursday, June 9, 2011

The Squirrel Wars - The Saga Continues

On my last report it seemed that Fatty Squirrel was winning the war.

He mocked me.

He looked in the window to make sure I was watching.
He then lept again, and again, and again, onto our bird feeder, easily emptying out the ENTIRE contents on a daily basis.

Hubby decided that once and for all, he was going to win this war! In his zeal, he suggested poison. I had to remind him that we didn't want to kill the birds in the process. "Oh yeah," he said. So he decided to go all out and purchase a squirrel resistant bird feeder.

It is a very clever design, but I don't know if I can describe it properly. It's made of two parts, so that if anything heavier than a bird lands on it, the top part is weighted down, closing off the access to the bird seed.

Brilliant!! We get so giddy when we think we are about to out-smart a squirrel! Wait. How big a brain does a squirrel have? Ummmm. Embarrassed pause.  I mean--uh--squirrels are so dumb it doesn't take a genius to outsmart them. (Whew! Got out of that one!)

Moving on. The first step is to add a weight to the bottom of the feeder. We don't do this for the squirrels or the birds. We do it for us. We noticed that when the birds come in for a lands, they make the feeders start spinning. We get quite dizzy and nauseous as we watch the birds spinning in a circle.

After the feeder was hung, we waited in anticipation for Fatty Squirrel to come. It wasn't long until he made his way to the feeder. He did his usual routine. Jumping up on the window ledge, looking in to see if we were watching.

We were.

"Go on, Fatty Squirrel" we urged, "Go and get some bird seed. We DARE you!"

Fatty Squirrel jumped onto the bird feeder, but soon discovered he had been outsmarted! He jumped off and ran back to his tree.

Hubby and I "high fived" each other, and congratulated ourselves on a job well done! Finally! We had beat that squirrel.

Or, had we?????

We went on about our business, (drinking coffee, checking email, you know, the important stuff) satisfied that we had been victorious.

Less than an hour later (got that? Less than an hour later), I looked out the window and couldn't believe it!

Yep. Fatty Squirrel was busily eating out of the bird feeder. (He must have had an "how-to" manual back at the tree.)

He figured out how to lift and lower the thing with his foot. 

(I apologise for the weird voice I used. Sorry, it sounds idiotic.)

Our joy was short-lived, but, at least this new design slowed him down quite a bit.

Shortly after, I made another discovery about Fatty Squirrel, which may help explain why "he" was so fat! He is really a SHE.  No wonder she has such a voracious appetite! Take another look at the tell-tale sign!

...I haven't seen her for a few days. She's probably off giving birth to more little rodents who can't wait to start emptying our bird feeder!!


  1. Ha! Ha! Ha! You had me howling with laughter!!!!!! You might as well give up and start investing in bird feeder stock! LOL People better than you have tried to out-smart squirrels. I haven't heard a complete success story yet! They are tenacious!!!!! ^_^ Oh! I soooo enjoyed this post! I'm gonna show it to everybody I know!! LOL

  2. We have the same problem with the nasty varmints going after our bird feeders. I'm glad they don't know about refridgerators. We would probably be changing the house locks every week.

  3. Haha great post! Little Fatty sure has given you some entertainment!

  4. I hear your pain sista! I had a bird feeder and the squirrel would jump on the pole and hang there upside down and would eat EVERYTHING! Then I tried giving the squirrels their own treat area but NOOOOOOOOO they had to be selfish and want to take from both! Now we have a dog and they want nothing to do with our yard, but I have noticed that early very early in the morning they are there (my dog likes to sleep late I get up at 6am mr. "Prince" doesn't get up til at least 8:00 when my son gets up)!!! Great post and video...I mentioned it in my blog today! Blessings, Joanne

  5. I love reading about squirrel wars! I always just put out 2 feeders. one with squirrel food and one with bird food.

    Good luck, and give the little guy a break!


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