Friday, November 4, 2011

Signs! Signs! Everywhere there's signs!

I have been having a spirited debate in my head. (The only place I ever debate!) My one self says "Go ahead and tell the story. It's good for a laugh." My other self says, "You'll look like a fool."

Against the better judgement of my smarter self, I've decided to swallow pride (glup) and let you wander inside my brain--don't worry, there's plenty of room for all of you!

I have written a few blogs about politics; enough that you have probably gathered that I am a conservative. (And, if not, it's plainly stated in my bio.) Hopefully, I've sounded fairly intelligent, and have been able to make my point. Assuming that is true, (big assumption, I know) the reason for my brilliance, is due to the fact that I have had time to think out my thoughts and write them down, in a nice orderly fashion. 

However, if we were to have an actual discussion, I am quite confident that I would sound like a blubbering idiot, because whenever I open my mouth to speak, every thought flies right out of my head. I'm no good at arguring. I'm no good at debating. Facts, figures, complete sentences, illude me. I will now give you an example of what I'm talking about. Don't judge me too harshly.

Tis the season for political signs. I had been seeing a lot of a particular sign of a guy who was running for judge, and I was wondering if he was a Republican or Democrat. So, I went down to the Republican headquarters to find out. Yes, there was his sign. They asked me if I wanted a sign, I said, "Sure", and I also took the brochure about him, went home, and put the sign on the right side of our driveway. (To help you picture this, our house sits pretty far back from the street, and we have a long, slightly curvy driveway. A house sits on each side of our driveway. Our house is directly behind the house on the left side of the driveway.)

One morning as I drove out of the drivway, I stopped at the end to put a letter in the mailbox. While walking back to the car, I noticed it. I thought, "Really? Are you going to play this stupid game?"  The neighbor had placed her sign for the opposing candidate directly in front of my sign. So, I took the bait, pulled my sign up and moved it closer to the road, and hurriedly made my way to the car. 

Before I could get into the car, she came out of her garage, still in her robe,  yelling, "Hey! Hey!"  We've been neighbors for almost three years, but they don't even acknowledge when we wave to them.)

"What!?" I replied sweetly. OK. I admit it. I didn't use my nicest voice.

And now, it gets kind of ugly and embarrassing, as I record my pitiful debating "skills".

HER: Did you get permission to put up that sign?

ME: (HUH?) No. Do I  need to get permission now?

HER: Well, yes. Who put up that sign? (Yes, I was a bit confused.)

ME: I did. (duh.)

HER: But, did you get permission? (Again, huh? I have no idea what she's talking about.)

ME: No. Do I need permission? (Yes, it was a redundant conversation.)

HER: Everyone knows I support her, and I thought they put his sign here because they know I live here and support her. (Wow, really? Thinking a little too highly...)  Well, do you know him? (Pointing to my sign.)

ME: No. Do I have to know him? Do you know her? (Pointing to her sign.)

HER: Well, yes, of course I know her. (Good for you.) Well, why do you have his sign if you don't know him?

ME: (Prepare to be amazed.) Because I want to. (duh.)

HER: Well, I don't know why you would put up his sign if you don't know him. (again, with the redundant statement.)  Did you  know it took him three times to pass the bar?

ME: Well, I guess he should know it all by now, then.

HER: (Rolls eyes) It took him three times! (Yes, we've established that. So? He passed.)  So, why do you have his sign if you don't know him?

ME: (I had to say it, even though I didn't want to.I consider myself a conservative more than a republican.) He's a Republican. (I was hoping to find out that he's a Constitutionalist, but hadn't had time to check it out.)

HER: Ohhhh, He's a Republican. (Said like it's a dirty word.) I know Republicans. I'm married to a Republican. (Thoughts censored here.) So, why don't you want to vote for her?  (Duh. She's his opponent.)

ME: Well, I've heard she's very liberal. Is she a Constitutionalist? 

HER: She's a judge. She follows the law. I love the Constitution.

ME: There are a lot of people (I may have said Democrats) who claim to know the Constitution, but are doing everything that's unConstitutional.

HER: So, did you get permission to put up that sign?

ME: (Are you dumb or somethin'? Again, with the permission??) Yes, I put up the sign myself.

HER: Well, (reaching down and pulling up her sign) I'm going to put my sign right here. (And she puts it directly in front of my sign.)

Really? Really? So childish. I roll my eyes.

ME: Ok. Fine. I will take my sign and put it on the other side of the driveway. Will that make you happy?

Apparently, it did. She turned around and walked back into her house.

When I related this story to Hubby and Amazing Daughter they were full of "You should have said" suggestions. Yes, I know. I should have said a lot of things, but nothing worthwhile came out of my mouth. I'm still thinking of things I should have said.

This is my prime example of why I stick to writing.


  1. Sounds like something I would do. Good luck living next door to someone so full of themselves. Of course you have front row seats to watch the world revolve around her. That could prove interesting.

  2. This is such a funny post, Darlene! You get full marks for having a great sense of humour and a wonderful ability to recount a rather crazy interaction, although it seems your neighbour may have failed on the 'interacting' part. She didn't pay too much attention, did she? You were hilarious!

  3. I am exactly the same way. I have two friends athat are very very liberal and one of them thinks that by mocking my choices or speaking LOUDER than me that it will get her point across. I decided a while ago that I will not talk about politics with them and so far it has helped. Whenever she wants to get my goat I simply say "Hmmmm," Then I change the subject. I think she gets frustrated because there is no debate and in fact lately she has not brought up the topic at all. I think you held your need to have a full on blow out with that lady. You have to live by her for a long long time.
    Blessings, Joanne

  4. Oh my gosh, too funny. (But I bet it wasn't at the time) People are nuts. :)

  5. This is TOO funny!!!! I am the exact same way, I do not think fast on my feet and cannot debate. You DID get in one really good zinger with "Then he should know it pretty well by now!"

  6. Very funny...and I would have just sputtered and spit and hissed making no sense whatsoever. And probably would have been very mature and left her with my tongue poking out at her and her sign!


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  9. lol Well we have something in common. I'm conservative but not necessarily republican although that is what I vote most. You handled it much better than i would have. i would have told her to take her sign and shove it up her.... well you know.

  10. I still like your response about passing the bar and knowing it! You're wittier than you claim to be.

  11. Hello, this is Orchid,
    Oh, I'm not good at political issue and situation about signs. But just reading your post, you have the decency and patience. Oh, just didn't want to have a neighbor like her (^^;)
    Thank you for stopping by and greeting for your son's girlfriend♪
    Much Love, my friend, Orchid*

  12. Well, at least her argument doesn't sound all that well reasoned either.


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